Skip the XXX Store: DIY Sex Hacks

I used to manage a small adult store, one of a local tri-state chain– I know better than anyone how steep the bill can be by the time you reach the door at the sex store. But you don’t always have to go to the naughty shop to get the supplies you need for your bedroom romps. Here are a few of my favorite low-cost replacements for some items you might usually be persuaded to buy while walking around the adult store with your honey!

Lube Shooter – Dosing Syringes

A needle-free 60 mL dosing syringe
A needle-free 60 mL dosing syringe, perfect for placing lube exactly where you want it. Photo by Ed Cijs on Unsplash

When I started camming, one of my favorite trade secrets was the lube shooter. They’re perfect for putting lube inside oneself or a partner to ensure the moisture gets everywhere you want it to be. Lube shooters are favored by anal enthusiasts and folks who have undergone chemotherapy (and therefore have a harder time generating their own vaginal moisture) for good reason, but in an adult store, a set of three of them can cost up to 11 dollars. Yikes! So skip the lube shooters and substitute dosing syringes! You know, the ones that come with children’s medicine to make the dose easy to measure and administer? Now you can use them to administer a whole DIFFERENT kind of medicine to adults!

You can swipe these off the medicines they come with and rinse them under hot water, but they’re also available in packs of 2 to 24 at pharmacies everywhere, at just pennies apiece. A quick Google search showed me several cheap places to buy them in bulk, from Amazon and a couple of medical supply companies. They’re still flared (and therefore safe to be used anally), and as an added bonus, you can measure how much lube you’re using! I, uh… can’t really think of a practical reason to be able to do that, but you will be able to do it!

Bondage Shears – Trauma Shears

A pair of trauma shears: note the rounded tips to avoid slicing skin when cutting material away from the body!

Wipe that surprised look off your face! Surely you’re aware that you should always have a pair of bondage shears on hand if you’re going to participate in bondage that involves knotting material! Well, if you didn’t before, you do now. The safest protocol for tied bondage involves the rigger (the one doing the tying) having a pair of bondage shears within reach at all times to free the bunny (the one getting tied) very quickly in case of emergency (such as someone withdrawing their consent, a panicked bunny, a misapplied tie that accidentally cut off circulation to an extremity, etc). Read: not scissors. Bondage shears have dull ends so that they cannot pierce or slice skin while cutting the bandage/fabric. If you use a regular scissors to do this, you could seriously injure your bunny! And then you two will have to explain yourselves to the ER nurse while staring at the tile floor because she kind of resembles your nana and you can’t look her in the eye. Or, so I’ve heard. From people who’ve had that happen. Friends of mine. You don’t know them.

Unfortunately, the price tag on a pair of bondage shears at your local sex emporium is going to be a lot fatter than absolutely necessary, because trauma shears are the exact same thing. You can get them online from a medical supply store or from a pharmacy for as little as two dollars, and only you and your bunny will know. 

Bondage, Period – Belts and Ties

I’m hardly the first one to think of this sexy DIY hack (if you’re thinking of Fifty Shades of Grey, stop at once), but I’d like to be the one to encourage you to do it safely!

Using the new knowledge you’ve obtained about trauma shears, remember that if you’re using a tie/scarf to bind someone, don’t get carried away. Start by making sure whatever you’re using to bind your lover is an article of clothing you’re willing to part with if your scene goes south and you must cut it to free your partner. While the concept of using your finest silk boardroom tie to render her helpless is indeed a very romantic and sexy idea, it’s one you would probably regret when your dick is soft later if something goes awry, and you have to cut it in half because you accidentally made a knot around your partner’s wrists you can’t undo. So, be prepared to cut, and be ready to cut by having your shears handy at all times. (note, if you’re using a belt made of leather, your shears may not cut it. Exercise extra caution and don’t use anything to bind your partner that you’re not confident you can’t loosen/remove in 5-6 seconds or less!)

Finally, be sure that you’re not binding your partner too tightly. When binding, take an extra moment to ensure two of your fingers can fit between their body and the bindings, or else you can risk their circulation and well-being. And ABSOLUTELY NEVER USE BELTS FOR BREATHPLAY. Again, an expectation made

The Tip You Never Saw Coming – Wax Warmers

A wax warmer that uses a candle to heat the wax trough, but you can easily find electric ones for the same purpose! Photo by Mindaugas Norvilas on Unsplash

You know the ones! You can always find tons of them in the thrift stores from when people who started S*ntscy “small businesses” woke up one day and realized they were in an MLM. Anyways, you can always find plenty of these wax warmers that plug into the walls or use candles to heat the wax, they usually have a little ceramic bowl on top for the wax blocks. Get one of those, wash it out, and hang onto your hair because I’m about to blow your mind.

Plug it/light it in next to your bed and set your lube bottle inside of it. Don’t forget it there! Set a 5-10 minute timer on your phone so you remember to grab it! It will be perfectly warm and delicious to drizzle anywhere on the body. This has been one of my favorite sex hacks that I use at home regularly. Who can say no to warm personal lubricant?

Vibrator – Handheld Back Massager

There’s nothing more devastating to your solo play session than your vibrator breathing its last before you’ve had the chance to finish. If you’re lucky, you have relatives who have absolutely no idea who you are as a person, but still feel compelled to give you gifts at Christmas, and hopefully they’ve picked something as generic as a vibrating back massager. These little guys are never more than ten dollars and always easy to find in a pharmacy, and tend to be given as gifts. They also pack an excellent punch on clits, nips, and tips!

Need a demonstration on how best to use a back massager as a vibrator? I’m more than happy to show you what I know! Subscribe to my Onlyfans for regular XXX updates, access to livestreams, and access to plenty of videos of me getting myself off. Or, to browse and purchase individual videos, visit my APClips for fetish clips, solo play, JOI, and so much more!

Toy Cleanser – Plain Dish Soap

Plain old dish soap will do the trick just fine, even on your more complicated toys! Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

When you’re at the XXX store, the most common upsell the salesperson will attempt before checkout is toy cleanser. These cleansers are nice and effective, and some have pleasant natural ingredients, but they tend to be spendy. If you’re trying to avoid breaking the bank but hoping to maintain the hygiene of your sex toys, I have a secret for you: your basic Dawn dish soap will do the same thing for a lot less. 

No, I don’t think you need the anti-bacterial variety, because if you buy toys of decent quality and material, you shouldn’t have to worry about bleaching them clean. That said, if you have toys that you’re sharing with another person (I recommend everyone have their own though!), or toys that come into contact with blood, you will need something stronger. But for personal use toys made of glass or silicone, a little dish soap is an ideal daily cleanser free of alcohol that would otherwise erode the surface of your toys.

How About YOU?

I’ve shared my handful of DIY dirty secrets. But surely you’re looking at this list and wondering why I’ve left off that cool thing YOU buy from the grocery store instead of the sex store for just a third of the price! Tell me about it in the comments, and rest assured, I want to write a second post, and these are not ALL of my secrets. Share your wisdom with me!

‘Til next time!

XO, Kay

I Don’t Need a Dick to Make Your Wife Squirt!

The following post is an erotic writing sampler containing: second-person perspective, lesbian cuckolding, light bondage, cunnilingus, and strap-on sex. If you enjoy this teaser, join my Onlyfans to read every naughty bit!

You want to watch someone else make your wife come and I’m here to help. You can watch from across the room as I make a whole meal out of this gorgeous woman. I’m going to explore every inch of her skin with my tongue. I’m going to pin her legs back so her pussy is spread and I can enjoy the view I’ve made of her glistening clit.

Maybe, if you’re good, I will undo the restraints that are keeping your hands on the arms of the chair you’re sitting in as you watch me ravish the woman you love. I can already see your cock straining to get out of your pants. Too bad! Keep watching, sir.

With your wife’s legs up high, I’ll bring my tongue to the place she’s been longing for me to put it since you both arrived at my door. Her pussy is shimmering and her clit is hard against my tongue, poking out of the folds of her labia, which now have a bit of my lipstick on them. I giggle at the idea of the lipstick being on the wrong lips, and the movement of air from my mouth makes your wife gasp.

I’ll encircle her clit with my mouth and move my tongue over it, flat. I’ll even gently suck on her clit just a little, something you never thought of despite the many times she’s sucked on you. She deserves the moans escaping her mouth after all the work she’s done. Now she’s my pillow princess, and my mouth sucks hungrily at her cunt, and her fingers are tangling in my hair as she presses my head further between her legs. She’s coming, faster and louder than you’ve ever made her come. Your hands twitch in their restraints. You’re aroused… and perhaps a little upset.

Her moans become frantic as I find a rhythm she loves. With my tongue pressed broadly against her, and my head rocking back and forth, she’s beginning to lose her mind. I don’t quit, I keep the rhythm, I commit to the singular action of rocking my tongue against her clit. Her moans disappear for a moment with a gasp, and then return so loudly I’m sure I’ve disturbed my neighbors. Her breaths return and she sags against the bed. I withdraw my tongue and kiss just above her clit. She looks into my eyes and we giggle together.

Our time together has hardly begun and I’ve already accomplished quite a bit! I leave her to reel for a moment on the bed and retrieve my harness and a couple of dildos. I’m about to fuck your wife with the cock of her choice, and as an added bonus, it might be glittery and pink. Your dick could never.

I lay the dildos out for her to look at, and I approach you. I release your dominant hand from your restraint, and assist you in removing the clothes keeping you from your cock.

“Stay here,” I instruct. As I walk away, you catch a glimpse of my own wetness between my thighs.