When it comes to masturbation, you can never have too much of a good thing. You can, however, get a little too dependent on self-stimulation, or fall into the habit of finishing in only one way. This can make it harder to finish with a partner, or harder to achieve orgasm overall. But don’t worry! While this can be a frustrating problem, it doesn’t have to be a permanent one. Let’s talk about sensitivity training–and not the workplace variety which, spoiler alert: is unlikely to actually fix any of the bigotry at the office. Sorry, HR.
I’m a Professional Hot Girl, Not a Doctor
This is the disclaimer part of the blog post where I remind you that I am, in fact, just a hot girl on the internet with plenty of sexual experience and insight. I am not a qualified medical professional, and my advice should be taken with that fact in mind. More serious or advanced problems, like impotence, numbness, painful sex, etc., should be discussed with your doctor. This post is meant to contain helpful suggestions around routine masturbation, not cures for medical conditions!
Happens to everyone!
No matter what genitals you have, what they look like, what their size is… this struggle is a universal one for those who partake in self-pleasure. There’s lots of reasons you might have fallen into a rut with your nut.
- You’ve been using the same toy at the same power level consistently
- You’ve been single for a while and only using your hand to get off
- Your masturbation habits need to be secret (ie you don’t live alone, and have to maintain your privacy, so you’ve started masturbating the quietest, most convenient way you know)
- You’re unable to maintain a relaxing mindset in the presence of a partner/trying something new long enough to actually enjoy yourself
Basically, any situation that requires you to get off the same way, every time begins your brain’s process of making a habit. And when your experience with sex and release become a habit rather than a series of varied experiences, your brain will do the same thing with sexual arousal that it does for driving a car, entering the PIN on your debit card, and brushing your teeth– it’ll give the decision-making part of your brain a break and activate the parts that handle routines. It’s efficient for orgasm, but not the most exciting way to reach it!
So let’s start by breaking the habits you’ve formed around masturbation to see if shaking up the routine helps reinvigorate your sexual experience!
Add New Sensations
One easy way to change up your masturbation routine, if you’re not already using toys, is to try out a toy! If your dominant hand is cramping lately from working overtime, it might be time to embrace technology. I’m not just talking about vibrators, though! Even adding a static toy, like a dildo or masturbation sleeve, to your personal pleasure time, can change up your routine enough for you to have a novel and exciting experience.
Additionally, lubricants with warming or cooling properties add fun and new sensations to shake up the way you experience orgasm. My best experiences and my initial instincts lead me to suggest a cooling sensation for clitoral fun, and warming products for stroking the shaft of a penis. Adding a chill to the clit could be exciting, but start slow! You’d rather not find out it’s a sensation you don’t prefer by covering your most sensitive bits in it! Start by adding a little to the inside of your lower lip, which resembles the skin of the vulva in sensitivity and moisture, to try out the sensation before you head south with it. I recommend the warming lube to make the penis feel warm and enclosed. But those aren’t rules! Chilling the underside of the glans of the penis with lubricant could be an icy blast; warming up a clit and drawing circles around it with the finger sounds exciting, too. Try it all if you’re feeling adventurous!
Tread carefully if you have sensitivities! Adult products that promise these kinds of sensations can have some really specious ingredients. I recommend the ones Wicked makes, and they’re not even paying me to say that. I’ve personally tried a wide variety of their products, which are vegan (read: free of gelatin and therefore halal!) and cruelty-free, and they use ingredients I’m familiar with and trust to put on and in my body.
Change the Cues
Start simple! Just like the methods used for adjusting one’s sleep cycle or eating habits, change the environment where you have sexual release most often. If you usually do it in bed, try playing around in the shower! If you usually do it only in the dark, try some low lighting instead. Add music for mood. If it sounds like I’m suggesting you romance yourself… damn, maybe I am! Make it steamy for yourself, and make the experience around masturbation less like a chore, and more like a treat you’re giving to yourself.
Even trying it at a different time of day can be a good start. If you’re usually a late-night wanker, try a little afternoon delight! Maybe you can wake and bake and rub one out for a change. If you usually give yourself a daily dose of self-love, step it up and try it twice for a change. Or, go the other way…
Take a Break
Skip the self-love session. How long can you go? One day? Two days? Decide on your next sesh ahead of time, a couple days away, and you might find that the building anticipation, coupled with the self-imposed denial, could make your next round a little more exciting.
In addition to giving the sensitive parts of your body a break from stimulation, you can induce a kinky aspect in this method. You can add to the fun of your chastity by taking the orders of, say, a beautiful and brilliant Domme. The addition of punishment could make your t-break easier… or perhaps harder. Experienced kinksters could even go a step further and use chastity equipment.
Leave Your Usual Toys on the Shelf for a Bit
Powerful, vibrating wands of all sizes and varieties have facilitated a sexual revolution since Japanese company Hitachi blessed the world with them in 1968. I know, in my home, there is never a time where the wand isn’t plugged in and ready to use. Like Old Faithful, the wand can be relied upon to create a geyser. It’s easy to reach for, because it gets the job done– that’s why we all love it so much.
It’s important to destigmatize the use of vibrators, because they make sex and orgasm an accessible experience for so many. Vibrators are valid and excellent tools that should be used and enjoyed by everyone who wants to use them! Vibrators are a normal part of sex and masturbation.
It is also important, in destigmatizing their use, to discuss the best way to use vibrators! Part of that conversation is acknowledging that vibrators can cause sensitivity issues with regular use. This is not a bad or permanent problem; if we want to solve it, we have to discuss it.
Using the same vibrator at a high setting with regularity is definitely a surefire way to have an orgasm! But if it’s the only way you’ve been getting off lately, you might be finding it’s the only thing that gets the job done anymore. You’re doing a great job meeting your needs! But if you’d like to expand your horizons, taking a little break from high-intensity vibrations could be a good start.
Similarly, if you’re regularly using a masturbation sleeve, try giving it a break if you’re looking to break a masturbation rut. Masturbation sleeves give the user complete control over the speed of penetration. It feels amazing! But using a sleeve at high speeds repeatedly can leave you only able to finish at high speeds of penetration, which can certainly enhance your stamina, but might make achieving orgasm harder to achieve overall. Again, not a bad or permanent problem. Just give the sleeve a break, and explore other ways to pleasure yourself!
Play Without Finishing (Alternatively: Release Your Expectations)
This is perhaps the most important piece of advice on this list! That’s why I’ve saved it for last.
The best thing to do, if you’re having trouble achieving orgasm from falling into a masturbation rut, is to try new things without the expectation of finishing. While sexual release is often the reason we have sex and masturbate, it doesn’t have to be the end result. You can try something new, and even if it’s not your favorite thing, you still spent the time exploring yourself in a state of sexual arousal. Finishing doesn’t always have to be the goal!
Similarly, edging while masturbating can help you build tension that leads to more explosive orgasms. So if one session didn’t end with you coming, perhaps the next session, when you find something else that works (or even if you give in and fall back on your most faithful method, either way!) you’re likely to experience a more powerful release. This isn’t a hard and fast rule, of course, it’s simply something to try, as all of this is.
What will you discover by trying these tips?
The fun of shaking up your masturbation routine, aside from the promise of attaining your goal of finishing with a variety of stimulation instead of just one kind, is that you might stumble into something you didn’t realize you enjoyed prior! Try any of the advice here that appeals to you, skip the bits that don’t seem to apply, and keep an open mind as you look for new ways to stimulate yourself. Remember, if you get frustrated by lack of progress, that progress in sexual self-discovery is measured only by how much you’re enjoying yourself, and how much you are learning. Enjoy the journey, and the eventual destination will be so much sweeter!